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JAN MOIR: If Big Willy really did push Little Harold over (and break his necklace) one can understand why

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Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. So says Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part III as he is dragged back into the family organised-crime business after trying to go straight.

Well, that’s exactly how I feel about Prince Harry. Just when I thought I was out, he pulls me back in.

Just when I felt free to write about other topical matters, perhaps Rishi’s oh-so exciting plan for more maths classes, or one of the former Marquess of Bath’s wifelets suing the estate for a share of his will — here’s a maths equation for that, darling: 0 + 0 = 0 — Harry barges into the narrative once more, tootling on his trumpet of ongoing anguish, simply impossible to ignore.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. So says Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part III as he is dragged back into the family organised-crime business after trying to go straight. Well, that’s exactly how I feel about Prince Harry

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. So says Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part III as he is dragged back into the family organised-crime business after trying to go straight. Well, that’s exactly how I feel about Prince Harry

This time the grudge-toting manbaby really has thrown all his toys out of the royal pram. My favourite new revelation is that Prince William physically attacked him following a row over Meghan’s alleged rudeness to staff, making Harry ‘scared’, breaking his ‘necklace’ and causing him to fall onto a dog bowl.

What? Rather than a robust disagreement between two expensively educated military veterans, Willy v Harold sounds like a catfight between two big girlies scrapping outside the St Trinian’s dorms over a lipstick.

This showdown was less of a rumble in the jungle and more of a little light bitchin’ in the Nott Cott kitchen. ‘The dog bowl cracked under my back, the pieces cutting into me,’ wails Harry in his autobiography, Spare.

He ended up, he notes, with ‘scrapes and bruises’. All this from a former British Army captain who served two tours in Afghanistan, who now boasts of killing 25 members of the Taliban and who was once the Captain General of the Royal Marines, whose new motto should be By Sea, By Land, By Dog Bowl.

My favourite new revelation is that Prince William physically attacked him following a row over Meghan’s alleged rudeness to staff, making Harry ‘scared’, breaking his ‘necklace’ and causing him to fall onto a dog bowl

My favourite new revelation is that Prince William physically attacked him following a row over Meghan’s alleged rudeness to staff, making Harry ‘scared’, breaking his ‘necklace’ and causing him to fall onto a dog bowl

How glad they must be that Harry no longer carries their honorific title, for surely this elite fighting force would burn with shame at his lack of grit.

Not to mention his lack of discretion in publicly mentioning his Taliban kill count; this is the kind of morbid vanity that every decent, professional soldier abhors and which belongs only in a video game.

The adventures of Prince Harry are particularly difficult to overlook at the moment because, with all the subtlety of a runaway tank, he is moving into the crucial phase of Megxit.

Three years after the Duke and Duchess of Sussex fled these shores to escape the tyranny of royal privilege and free homes, their campaign to wreak havoc on the House of Windsor is cresting.

Following on from the damaging revelations first aired on Oprah, then in assorted podcasts, interviews and throughout the six-part Netflix docu-series, we now have the pièce de résistance, the sour cherry on the rancid cake; Harry’s tell-all book along with at least three accompanying tell-all television interviews.

But what is left to tell us all? Plenty, it seems. Never mind the teenage cocaine use and losing his virginity in a field outside a country pub — isn’t that what all dukes do? — the printed page has produced the purest distillation yet of Harry’s deep dissatisfaction and unhappiness with himself, his family and most of all his wretched secondary position in the royal hierarchy.

This showdown was less of a rumble in the jungle and more of a little light bitchin’ in the Nott Cott kitchen. ‘The dog bowl cracked under my back, the pieces cutting into me,’ wails Harry in his autobiography, Spare

This showdown was less of a rumble in the jungle and more of a little light bitchin’ in the Nott Cott kitchen. ‘The dog bowl cracked under my back, the pieces cutting into me,’ wails Harry in his autobiography, Spare

In no special order, Spare reveals that he once communed with some kind of spiritualist to get in touch with his dead mother; he believes his brother to be his ‘arch nemesis’; he begged his father not to marry ‘evil stepmother’ Camilla; and he was once furious because Meghan was furious because Kate was furious after Meghan accused her of having hormonal baby brain when she was pregnant with Prince Louis.

Is there anything else? Yes. One can only admire his rigour when it comes to settling scores. Seventeen years after the event, Harry uses Spare to accuse William and Kate of encouraging him to wear that infamous Nazi uniform to a fancy dress party — and what he seems most annoyed about is that they escaped blame in the subsequent scandal.

Then, as now, what obsesses Harry is not what actually happens in his life, but the Press coverage and the public perception of what happened. This allows him to avoid accountability and convince himself that nothing is ever his fault, not even wearing a swastika armband in public for a laugh.

‘I vos only obeying orders,’ is what he didn’t say while not clicking his heels. Yet he was 20 years old at the time, a weapons-carrying officer cadet at Sandhurst. If not responsible for making his own decisions in those days, then when would he ever be?

Then, as now, what obsesses Harry is not what actually happens in his life, but the Press coverage and the public perception of what happened. This allows him to avoid accountability and convince himself that nothing is ever his fault, not even wearing a swastika armband in public for a laugh, writes Jan Moir (pictured)

Then, as now, what obsesses Harry is not what actually happens in his life, but the Press coverage and the public perception of what happened. This allows him to avoid accountability and convince himself that nothing is ever his fault, not even wearing a swastika armband in public for a laugh, writes Jan Moir (pictured)

The book is not even out yet, but the torrent of leaks and detail emerging is delicious. The bruises, the dog bowl, the swastikas, the fairy-tale cruelties he felt were his everyday fate — these are the petty tent pegs holding down Harry’s enormous marquee of misery, this is the ballast in his big balloon of sulky hot air.

And in writing all this down, he may have invented a whole new literary genre — the self-harming memoir, the autobiography that shreds a reputation instead of enhancing one.

Prince Harry wants to be seen as a hero on a long walk to freedom, but each fresh revelation from Spare suggests that he is far more Adrian Mole than Nelson Mandela. Already, the public are begging for less while a #ShutUpHarry hashtag trended on Twitter for most of yesterday. Spare Us would perhaps be a more fitting title for his book.

It certainly seems to be the case that the more and more the Duke and Duchess harvest their story while submitting their crop to deeper scrutiny and analysis, the less and less admirable they will seem. Already, the worthy causes they so noisily embrace sometimes look like mere camouflage for the real Sussexian businesses of vengeance, making millions and establishing a legacy for themselves at the expense of others — most pointedly the Prince and Princess of Wales.

Can Harry and Meghan’s joint account of events withstand the fresh self-exposure? Already, credulity is being stretched and eyebrows raised. For example, Prince Harry revealed that he called his therapist immediately after his physical fight with William in 2019.

It says everything about the kind of man he has become, but even more about the Duchess of Sussex’s claims around this time that Palace officials stopped her from seeking help for her suicidal state because it was ‘not a good look’. Yet her husband had a therapist on 24-hour speed-dial. What was stopping her from doing the same?

So far, the narrative that emerges most strongly is Harry’s obsession with Palace officials ‘briefing the Press’ against him and his wife, which he believes lies at the heart of all his troubles.

Yet it doesn’t make sense. He seems to believe that British newspapers and magazines form a giant sponge whose sole purpose is to suck up a custard of lies about the Sussexes every day — and then spoonfeed those same lies to the gullible milksops of the British public.

That is to deny the vibrant, independent nature of British newspapers and the bristling and varied opinions of British people, who can make up their own minds, thank you very much. Harry thinks everyone is stupid and credulous, except him.

When William tells Harry that Meghan is difficult and abrasive towards staff, he accuses his brother of accepting the ‘Press narrative’. In his interview with Tom Bradby, to be broadcast on Sunday, the ITV anchor suggests that Harry is being a hypocrite by railing against invasions of his own privacy but now ‘invading the privacy of your nearest and dearest without permission’.

Prince Harry replies: ‘That would be the accusation from people that don’t understand or don’t want to believe that my family have been briefing the Press.’

Yet he does not shirk from detailing intimate family conversations following Prince Philip’s funeral. ‘Please boys, don’t make my final years a misery,’ was Charles’s plea to warring William and Harry, made hours after burying his own father. Revealing this intensely private moment to the world was, I thought, a particularly low blow.

‘I want a family not an institution,’ he also told Bradby, a classic moment of peak Harry hypocrisy. For on the pages of his book, in the canyons of his mind and in all his interviews to date, Prince Harry has done nothing but scorn his family and abuse their trust, while cleaving like crazy to the institutional titles and ciphers, to the heritage and lineage which are the only things that mark him out from the herd.

Like a drowning sailor clinging to the mast of a sinking ship, he cannot let go. Without the institution, he would be nothing.

Meanwhile, this great gathering of his grumbles isn’t over and it must be exhausting for all those being ground down in his crucible of woe. Yet who could have imagined at this point that the hero of Spare would be William and not Harry. And that if big brother pushed little brother over in exasperation, one can understand why. And even sneakily admire him for doing so.

Source: Daily Mail UK

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