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Did Harry really say to William ‘You reek’ on the way to his wedding? And did Charles tell Meghan to sing to a seal? Try our quiz on the most gorblimey Royal book ever, if you’ve got a Spare minute

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Some stories in Prince Harry’s book are so bizarre that a satirist would have struggled to make them up. 

For example, he tells how he taught the Queen Mother to say ‘booyakasha’ and flick her fingers at the same time to imitate Sacha Baron Cohen’s character Ali G. 

So, to test whether you can tell fact from fiction, we have devised a fun quiz based on anecdotes in the Duke’s book.

Some stories in Prince Harry¿s book, Spare, are so bizarre that a satirist would have struggled to make them up

Some stories in Prince Harry’s book, Spare, are so bizarre that a satirist would have struggled to make them up 

1. Which of these is NOT a phrase that appears in Spare?

a) ‘Every 90-minute session in Nige’s Squirrel Dojo left me hooped’

b) ‘I’ve drunk booze out of multiple prosthetic legs in my life’

c) ‘Meghan may have been wrong’

d) ‘Oh please, oh please, do not let me vomit inside a stag carcass’

2. What did Princess Margaret once give to Harry as a Christmas present?

a) A Mustique beach hut

b) A biro

c) 200 fags and a bottle of whisky (Harry was eight at the time)

d) The Squirrels Who Squabbled, a book about sibling rivalry

3. At school, he admits he had trouble memorising things – except what?

a) The names of the bikini-clad girls in Loaded magazine’s ‘Drool Britannia 1998’ rundown

b) All the lyrics to Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire

c) Long passages of dialogue from the comedy film Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

d) The names of all the pupils and teachers who had wronged him and how he’d wreak his terrible revenge

Prince Harry in 2003 in the College wearing his School Dress

Prince Harry in 2003 in the College wearing his School Dress

4. Which Spice Girl did Harry say he felt a connection with?

a) Ginger, because she was ginger

b) Posh, because she was posh

c) Baby, because she was the youngest

d) Scary, because she was not actually scary but had to adopt a role thrust on her by the suffocating systemic pressures inherent in an unfair and misogynistic hierarchical society

5. What nicknames did Harry give to three Royal advisers?

a) Charlie’s Angels

b) Freeman, Hardy and Willis

c) The Bee, The Wasp and The Fly

d) The Three Mustn’teers

6. The Prince revealed that he has watched almost every episode of the US sitcom Friends. Which character did he most identify with?

a) Ursula, Phoebe’s evil twin

b) Chandler Bing, the sarcastic data-processor

c) Roy, ‘the world’s greatest stripper’, as played by Danny DeVito

d) Ugly Naked Guy

7. Where did he say he got his clothes in his bachelor days?

a) Huntsman Savile Row

b) Hand-me-downs from William

c) TK Maxx during the sales

d) The nearest skip

8. What did he say ‘even Einstein’ would struggle to describe?

a) The standard of his helicopter-flying skills

b) Why the universe is so unfair to him

c) The awesomely bright and dazzling nature of the light created by his mum

Prince Harry discusses his private parts on a number of occasions - including detailing how he tried to treat frostbite with Elizabeth Arden night cream. Pictured on his Walking with the Wounded expedition, where he developed frostbite.

Prince Harry discusses his private parts on a number of occasions – including detailing how he tried to treat frostbite with Elizabeth Arden night cream. Pictured on his Walking with the Wounded expedition, where he developed frostbite.

d) The deep existential complexities concealed within Meghan’s 169-word children’s book, The Bench

9. How did he refer to his private parts in the book?

a) The Crown Jewels

b) Good King Everard

c) The Princemaker

d) His ‘todger’

10. Why did he consider studying art history at Bristol University?

a) It was ‘an easy course for thickos to pass’

b) Because most of the paintings they’d be studying were in Granny’s palaces anyway

c) Because of all the career options it would open up: Deliveroo driver, Uber Eats driver, Just Eat driver…

d) ‘Lots of pretty girls took that subject’

11. What did Harry say to William in the car as they drove to the latter’s wedding?

a) ‘This is going to be the most amazing day, I’m so happy for you both’

b) ‘What say we sack this off and go paintballing instead?’

c) ‘You reek’

d) ‘Has she got a sister?’

12. And what did Harry show guests during his not-actually-best-man’s speech, after William’s wedding?

a) His frostbitten penis

b) An ermine G-string

c) A video detailing the groom’s advancing baldness, based on the opening titles of Dad’s Army

d) A dossier of complaints about aides briefing against him

Prince William with his brother Prince Harry at the West Door of Westminster Abbey for Will's wedding in 2011

Prince William with his brother Prince Harry at the West Door of Westminster Abbey for Will’s wedding in 2011

13. The Duke first set eyes on Meghan in a friend’s Instagram post, with a filter that did what?

a) Made her look like Shrek

b) Showed her wearing a cartoon crown

c) Gave her a dog’s ears, nose and long tongue

d) Turned her head into a turnip

14. What did the Queen and Meghan talk about at their first meeting?

a) Her time opening briefcases on TV’s Deal Or No Deal (Meghan’s, that is)

b) Donald Trump

c) The wi-fi password

d) Whether the string theory requiring an 11-dimensional universe is the correct unified model to explain all the fundamental forces of nature

15. What did King Charles tell Meghan to do if she spotted a seal near the Castle of Mey?

a) Run as fast as possible –‘those slippery buggers are dangerous’

b) Sing to it, in case it was a Scottish mermaid – or selkie – in disguise

c) To ensure good health, say in a French accent: ‘Bonjour Professor Seal, and ’ow are the rhododendrons today?’

d) Shoot it because its meat is delicious, if rubbery

King Charles at Warwick Farm Racecourse near Sydney during a Royal visit to Australia in 1983

King Charles at Warwick Farm Racecourse near Sydney during a Royal visit to Australia in 1983

16. What did Harry reveal his father does to relieve old polo injuries?

a) Drinks a mixture of gin, honey and WD-40

b) Performs headstands in his boxer shorts

c) Gives encouraging pep-talks to his aching joints – just as he talks to his houseplants

d) Receives a fortnightly injection of spider venom

17. Who was Harry excited to meet at actress Courteney Cox’s Hollywood home?

a) The dog who was Beethoven on screen

b) The actress who played Diner Customer #3 in Pulp Fiction

c) Actor Will Arnett who was Batman in the LEGO movie

d) The additional deputy casting assistant on Avatar, whom he begged to find a part for Meghan

18. Lads! Lads! Lads! What did Harry’s friends do to him at his stag do?

a) Dressed him as a giant chicken and shot fireworks at him

b) Shaved his hair into a Mohican, before realising he didn’t have enough strands to pull it off

c) Dressed him as the Queen and locked him on the Buckingham Palace balcony

d) Signed him up for a lecture on intersectional feminism to be educated on the endemic injustices and daily microaggressions all women face, which he found ‘very eye-opening’

19. Harry was keen to stress he had nothing to do with choosing what at his wedding?

a) The flowers, after Royal-watchers claimed the blooms concealed a coded insult to Camilla

b) The DJ who played nothing but Vengaboys all night

c) The Portaloos, following reports they were to have gold-plated seats

d) Those damn bridesmaids’ dresses

Archie on his Prince Harry's shoulders

An undated photo of Archie on Prince Harry’s shoulders

20. What soundtrack did the couple play during Archie’s birth?

a) Push It, by Salt-n-Pepa

b) Sanskrit mantras

c) The audiobook of Oprah Winfrey’s autobiography

d) I’m Coming Out, by Diana Ross

21. Who did the couple nickname Grumpy Steve?

a) Steven Spielberg, for consistently turning down their requests to make a schmaltzy romcom about their lives

b) A waiter at Soho House who failed to laugh sycophantically when Harry made a lame joke about having to do the dishes because he didn’t have enough cash to cover the bill

c) Stevie Wonder for not waving back at them at an awards ceremony – even though he had a very good reason for not spotting them…

d) A swan in the gardens of Frogmore House

22. What did Harry’s bodyguards have to stop him from doing on his infamously boozy trip to Las Vegas?

a) Getting a tattoo

b) Marrying a stripper called Amethyst in the Chapel of Elvis

c) Putting the deeds to Frogmore Cottage on red

d) Drunk-texting glamour model Katie Price to profess his undying love

23. Who or what does he describe as a ‘drunken octopus’?

a) Prince Andrew on a night out

b) The bagpipes played at Balmoral

c) Prince Philip when he got behind the wheel of his Range Rover

d) His own dancing at his wedding reception

24. Why did Harry initially think his infamous Nazi fancy-dress outfit was wrong?

a) It was immoral to make light of a barbaric, genocidal regime

b) It made his bum look big

c) Some insignias were from the First World War while the rest of the uniform was from the Second

d) The moustache was too long and had to be trimmed to look more like Hitler’s

The Duke of Sussexwent to a fancy dress party wearing a mock uniform that featured the Nazis' infamous swastika on his arm and the badge of the German Wehrmacht on his collar. The story made global headlines after an image of Harry in the uniform featured on the front page of The Sun newspaper

The Duke of Sussexwent to a fancy dress party wearing a mock uniform that featured the Nazis’ infamous swastika on his arm and the badge of the German Wehrmacht on his collar. The story made global headlines after an image of Harry in the uniform featured on the front page of The Sun newspaper 

25. What did Harry admit he did on the Round The Island yacht race off the Isle of Wight?

a) Cheated, thanks to a hidden outboard motor

b) Peed his pants

c) Clipped a bit off The Needles when sailing too close

d) Punched a gull

26. After taking magic mushrooms, what did Harry think a bathroom pedal-bin said to him?

a) ‘It’s good to open up’

b) ‘Aaah,’ as it opened wide to receive an empty cigarette packet and ‘thank you, mate’ when he deposited it

c) ‘Hereditary monarchy is an outmoded concept in a modern liberal democracy and a bar to social mobility, don’t you agree?’

d) ‘Nom nom nom me gobble up garbage good’

27. And what – while he was under the influence of tequila and magic mushrooms – did the Moon tell him?

a) The year ahead would be good… ‘something special’

b) The Apollo lunar landings had been faked

c) They shared a special connection ‘because we both know what it’s like to be eclipsed’

d) That maybe he should lay off the hallucinogens

Prince Harry has admitted to taking drugs several times. Pictured in 2002

Prince Harry has admitted to taking drugs several times. Pictured in 2002

28. When at Eton, Harry said he felt an ‘inexplicable bond’ with which fictional character?

a) Prince Hal, Shakespeare’s wastrel royal who become a fine soldier and inspirational leader

b) Ron Weasley, Harry Potter’s ginger, insecure but brave friend

c) Wally, from Where’s Wally?, the only books the Duke ever ‘read’

d) Stewie Griffin, the well-spoken but criminally violent cartoon baby in Family Guy

29. What is a ‘cock cushion’?

a) A soft furnishing to give the free-range chickens on the Duchy of Cornwall a pampered life

b) Something used at Harry’s circumcision

c) A ceremonial item he was given by indigenous people on a Royal tour… he dared not ask what it was made from

d) Something a seamstress made for him to prevent frostbite in his nether regions on a trip to Antarctica

30. What did he admit to stealing from Buckingham Palace?

a) Two bottles from the Queen Mother’s stash of gin

b) A Fabergé egg, which he and his mates then played rugby with

c) Christmas ornaments in the shape of corgis

d) An actual corgi

Test your knowledge: 

SCORES

10 or under: You’ve achieved the impossible and absorbed virtually nothing about the contents of Prince Harry’s memoirs. You do know that Spare isn’t about ten-pin bowling, don’t you?

11-19: You might think you’ve done well, and that’s your truth, but recollections may vary.

20-30: You know pretty much everything that Harry said. Our commiserations that you will never, ever be able to erase the frostbite story from your mind.

ANSWERS 

 1c

2b

3c

4a

5c

6b

7c 

8c

9d

10d

11c

12b

13c

14b

15b

16b

17c

18a

19c

20b

 21d

22a

23b

24d

25b

26b

27a

28d

29d

30c

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Source: Daily Mail UK

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